Once upon a time...

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:31:10 GMT

Drinking beers and watching football at Smokin' Dicks with my girls....

Getting all dressed up and dancing like no one was watching at the club...

Beer pong, Pizza and sweatshirts with the boys....

I feel like I'm living the stereotypical college life... and shhhh, don't tell, but I love it. All Saturday nights should be more like this one.

Death is Tricky

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 02:11:42 GMT

In the true spirit of my livejournal, I will make an incredibly emotional post that really is not very representative of my life at all right now... (P.S. when did lj get spell check, and why doesn't it recognize "livejournal" as spelled correctly?)

My Grandpa died yesterday. I am still in shock. I can't talk about it without crying and every time I remember why I feel like I'm going to puke I practically burst into tears. It is sufficient to say that I had the worst 4th of July ever. He had a heartattack. This was preceded by a week long stay in the mental health wing of the hospital where he checked himself in for anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. He returned to his home on sunday and died early yesterday morning. It hasn't been a good week.

I would like to thank, however, those people who really helped my out. I would have remained in bed yesterday if the thought of seeing Tyrney hadn't gotten me up. My roommate Jessie literally calls me from work every couple of hours to say "hi". I'm very, very lucky to have her. Tyrney's older brother, Jeremy, gave me a huge hug and kind words (rare from him). It's funny how much that meant to me. I think of most of that family as an extension of my own family, I guess it's nice to know that some of them feel that way about me too.

My Grandfather was an amazing man. He lived a full, exciting life and I know that this is how he would have wanted to go. He was so scared of dieing slowly. He didn't want to move into an assisted living home. His wife died about a year ago, and he had not been really happy since. He was done here. Which makes it a little easier for the rest of us.

Still... I will miss him and it will be really hard over the next couple of months to adjust to the idea of him being gone. Yesterday was so surreal. I felt like going up to every person who was celebrating and asking them why they were so happy. Didn't they feel the world screeching to a halt?

Death is tricky but life goes on.

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 03:41:58 GMT

Fuck yes, finals are over...

However, the down side of things is that I have to say goodbye to so many people I care about. I love living with my best friends... all 15 or so of them and I'm going to absolutely hate living less then a 30 second walk away from the boys next year. I'll have to put on shoes and clothes... Jessie and I move into our little less-than-cute duplex tomorrow (I think... we havn't heard from the real estate people.. but if we don't then we're homeless for a couple days.) I had to say "goodbye" to Matt today. Miraculously, I held it together until I got back to my room. Everyone else I care so deeply about I'm sure I will see over the summer. But I'll probably only see him once or twice as he is a supreme, lazy ass who really doesn't understand why I'm going to miss him so much... then again, I'm not sure why I will either. I'm not sure when (or how) he became one of my best friends.

Jessie's boyfriend is leaving tomorrow for 7 weeks in Iceland. After that he goes home to California. She is much worse off. Solution? Become so amazingly busy that neither of us will have time to be sad. Kind of like last summer.... only with more sleep.

That said, let's party mother fuckers...

************************

"You have four years to be irresponsible here, Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..."
- Tom Petty

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 03:58:16 GMT

I'm sitting alone and sober at my computer on All Hallow's fucking Eve because I have an exam tomorrow morning....

This is truly the scariest halloween I have ever experienced.

A four year old made me cry yesterday.

I'm becoming a pessimistic, jaded human being... when did this happen?

I got paid today... $15 an hour... that's pretty OG...

I got a 97% on my bio midterm... why doesn't that satisfy me?

Perhaps I am just unsatiable... that's pretty sad...

My friends bought/brought me dinner and apple cider. Because they love me. And I'm sick. And stressed.

I love how I only update when I'm procrastinating...

I think this weekend is BEGGING for a road trip...

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 08:22:23 GMT

Tasha, Laurel, Jessie and Amber all decide that a) we are pirates and b) we need the pirate flag that is hanging in a cluster down the hall.

So, we write a little poem:
We have pillaged your cluster
And captured your flag
This be a challenge
The winner can brag
There only be room for one pirate crew
So put up a fight
We'll be ready for you

ARRGGGG,
The lady mateys

***********************************

And then we convince our naive RA to let us into their locked cluster while they are all gone for the weekend. And we take the flag. And we left the poem. We have since seen these boys many times. And there has been no mention of the flag. They've even been in our cluster (where the flag is openly hanging), but they havn't said a word.

We all know what this means...

They're playing our Pirate game.

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 05:39:08 GMT

9 days?

Oh god... here we go:

Football game (Victory), Frats, Timmons's house, IKEA, Desperate with the new roomies, Birthday Party #1, House Party, 3am Pizza, Anthony Edward Greer, Poker, My favorite boys in the whole wide world, Midnight Fred Meyers Party, Flogging Molly Concert, Burnout, Gamma Phi and TANA JAMES, BIG paper BIG mural, Dorm Party, Classes: BioPsych, Psych Research, Bio (Drugs), The Office, Grey's Anatomy Cluster Party, Birthday Party #2, Wild Ginger, Party @ Chuck's House with hella good "high"ly illegal gangsta times, Football game #2 (Victory), Middle School Buddies, Laurel and Tasha are Ninjas, 1am Quad Pow-wow, Family time in Tacoma, Signing "no alcohol in the dorms" contract drunk, New Boys down the hall, Chalk on the Walls

Doesn't sound like quite as much all written out. Or maybe it does. That doesn't count actually going to classes and doing homework and moving in etc. I feel like I've been gone for a month. I'm having a blast. Not much time to myself (thank god). Not much sleep. But I'm used to that by now. 5 hours? I'm cool...

Come visit me. All y'alls. UW will show you a reeaalll good time.

Oh. And I'm a vegetarian.

The End.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 15:32:08 GMT

I have random mystery bruises all over my body. It was a good weekend.

Frank the goat is now a pirate. Oh yeah....

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 22:43:27 GMT

I have always been on team Aniston. From the get go.

However, Brad has released a statement saying that only when the marriage restrictions that exist in our country are lifted will he and Angelina consider marriage.

I'm not switching sides... I just really appreciate such public support from the world's most famous, hetero couple.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 19:56:40 GMT

I am euphoric.

This, right here, this is perfect. I love being busy. I love helping. I love feeling really really appreciated. I love the fact that I have gotten a combined total of 8 hours of sleep in the past two nights. That's excellent.

The kiddos are back from Florida. Tyrney's kiddos. Amelia is so... fucking... cute. We are bestest best friends now. All the kids are so big. Most of them remember me... or atleast they seem to. My guess is, however, that Savannah really doesn't... she just pretends. Anyway, I've been over there quite a bit and will probably continue the pattern. I love kids. I really, really do.

School starts in less than a month. I can't decide whether I'm excited or not. At the beginning of the summer I wanted nothing more than to go back to school. Now... I dunno. I'm just so fucking happy with everything right now.

Work is busy. Amanda is out for vacation and Jess is out sick. Crazy hectic. I really shouldn't be taking time to do this. But you would be amazed at how fast I typed this up. Jess calls me high-speed.

I'm going to miss Phia like whoa. I don't even want to start thinking about it. I will cry. I've got a good healthy dose of denial goin' on.

Oh yes. One other thing. WHY THE HELL IS IT SO FUCKING COLD?!?!?! It's still August. When I woke up this morning I thought I was going to die. I'm surprised I don't have frostbite. Maybe this is mother nature telling me to wear those cute new boots I bought saturday... Peut-etre...

Much Love,
High-speed

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 04:59:24 GMT

Los Angelos was amazing and sureal and fabulous and exhausting all at the same time. I'm sure Phia will post pictures... maybe phia will post pictures. I feel like we did a full weeks vacation over the course of three days; we got our nails done in beverly hills, purchased black market items out of the back of a jeep (hush hush), saw all the hollywood mansions, went shopping at melrose, walked rodeo drive, went to santa monica for the beach and yummy food, saw the hollywood stars (incuding marilyn's), saw the hollywood handprints, toured LA in a 1968 cadillac, got a private top secret tour of paramount studios and spent time with family.

I know. You're exhausted from merely reading about it... and yet I did not mention everything. Phew!

Only to come home to the real world. Melissa has gotten worse... things will be okay but there are now new complications to deal with. I have to sort all of my belongings at my dad's tomorrow. I've promised Celeste I will help get the rooms ready for the kids. I have to start packing my room at my mom's. And I'm still working full time.... Beginning the 5th I will be working 55 some odd hours per week... w/o overtime.

However, things could be worse. I'm actually extremely happy with where my life is right now. Something I was never quite sure I would be able to say in tacoma. And, admist the bad there is a ton of good, rather, great things. I'm really really happy.

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 22:33:02 GMT

Maybe I'm manic-depressive.

I had a great weekend. I didn't get much accomplished but that's okay. Much more of a fun weekend, rather than a productive one.

I have a desire to be in a tent. Hmmmm.... We'll have to see about that.

Suddenly it appears that being in Tacoma for another month and a half isn't as bad as it has appeared.

Reasons I am excited:
1) LA
2) Camping (not that there are any plans yet)
3) The Puyallup Fair
4) Jeremy, Kristin and kids coming back ("why," I ask myself? No clue. Just am.)
5) Cabin Party
6) My Swiffer Wet Jet
7) My Tide To Go pen
8) Having paid off my credit card bill and actually beginning to save money.

I feel like running real fast and jumping. A lot.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 16:49:25 GMT

Work starts at 8am.

I woke up this morning at 7:30am in a tent in Dash Point State Park.

Yes, I was at work on time.

Yes, I am aware that is physically impossible.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 04:46:20 GMT

I'm so tired. I'm tired of being tired. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. At least last year when I was working insane hours I had something to look forward to.

I cried on my mom's lap for a while tonight. I was sitting in my car outside the front of my house bawling, wishing someone would just stroke my head and let me cry. Feeling like I had no one. It's nice to know that my mom will always be there for me. That I can always just knock on her door, crawl into bed and let everything go until I feel... better. I'm just so disheartened. I feel like I would give anything to fast forward to September 20th. I'm not usually one to wish my life away. I enjoy living in the moment. It's just... I miss my friends. A lot. I don't feel like I have any here anymore. I used to. I have the lovely Tyrney, but I fear she too is tiering of me. Next weekend will be great. I get to see them all again. I guess that kindof is like a mini fast forward.

Melissa's chemo is going well. Jessica is back at work. Which hopefully means a less hellish work load next week. I fucked up at work yesterday. I was feeling good knowing that what I did each day really mattered, until I realized that when I fuck up, it really really really matters. I do get a day off this week, thanks to phia. I don't think I could go 13 days of this shit. Teaching Toys's sale is tomorrow and sunday. Sunday for me will be spent hanging out with the family of my father's childhood friend. Somewhere in Seattle. One of our clients died from gunshot. I told Dad I would go to the funeral with him tomorrow after I'm done with work. There will be a 21 gun salute... which I think they should make a 20 gun salute since the first has obviously already been fired. Erin left for Alaska today. I will miss her a lot. She had become a really good friend to me over the past couple of weeks. Letting me talk to her about stuff that I can't really talk to the rest of my family about. I think she understands because she has had a very on again off again relationship with her boyfriend Sam for the last 7 years. I tihnk she empathizes with my indecision. She will be back this November.

I'm definitly staying in Seattle next summer. I'm not a strong as I once thought I was. Nor as smart.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 16:36:12 GMT

Your Love Quote

True love stories never have endings.

What Love Quote Suits You?

Anyway, anyone remember how last year, right before graduation, I slipped outside my house and fell flat on my back? Well, I've always been a fan of "pushing through" back/neck pain etc. However, at that time, I apparently pushed a rib joint out of place, which has lead to increasing amounts of back/neck pain the past year. I went to see a chiro guy yesterday because I woke up and couldn't move. He asked me whether I've had any back/neck/shoulder before. Hahahahaha. When I told him about the past year he looked at me like I was crazy and told me that was normal for a 60 year old woman. He is apparently also worried that the damage that displaced joint has done to my spine muscles might give me premature back arthritis over the next ten years or so.

So yeah. I'm in a lot of pain. But it's kind of forcing me to take it easy. I guess nature works in mysterious ways.

Oh, and Lance Bass announced that he's gay. No. Shit. Even *I* could see that one.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 22:11:54 GMT

I would like to point out how delightfully "livejournal" my last entry was. With the strikethrough and the emo-ness and the poetic circle it so depressingly drew. I'm so proud. In fact, I was in an awful, awful mood (as evident by the post) but once I had finished and posted it I actually laughed out loud at myself. I thought it was pretty funny.

I had a good weekend despite being called in to work on my first "real" weekend in a while. It pissed me off that Phia wouldn't do it. I understand that she had plans with Allen, but I had plans with my friends too. I cancelled them because I didn't want mom to have to go into work. She's really stressed and needs the rest. Plus, I had already worked 40 hours last week and was really looking forward to the two days off and I've been doing more than usual around the house in the form of cooking dinner and cleaning. I don't really mind doing it, because someone has to step up as mom and melissa are in no shape to. I just wish that Phia would be helping a bit more.

Anyway... uh.. weekend was good. Spent some much needed time with Tyrney. Something about hanging out with her always makes me feel better. Plus we had the first girls sleep over in a while. It was a lot of fun. Almost like old times...

Venton called last night and got me thinking about going to my cabin. I'm going with school friends in a couple weeks but I think I might plan a huge labor day weekend party in addition. Lots of people would be invited, like... uh... YOU! Yes!! You!!

Much Love.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:01:50 GMT

I hate this. I hate being in Tacoma. I want to go back to school. I hate thinking about you so much. I hate seeing something, or thinking of something that makes me think of you. I hate crying over you. I hate wishing that things were good between us again. I hate wanting you. If there was one thing in the world I would change. I hate caring so much and knowing simulatneously that you care so fucking little. I hate missing you. I hate Tacoma. I hate being here. I hate remembering. In Seattle I don't have to. I hate loving you.

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 18:10:39 GMT

Sooooo tierd. But I had fun. Last night was.... uh... interesting. Much needed. Etc. I best be watching my back though, lest I become the whore of that entire group... Speaking of, Don'cha just came on the radio... Haha tyrney.

Today marks one year since Timmons and I left for France. Oh. My. God. The anniversary came up in our conversation the other day and we both remarked on how it didn't seem like it had been a whole year. Uh... I take it back now. It seems like 5 years ago. It seems like three million and a half years ago. I feel like I went to France and saw dinosaurs. That long ago. Haha. This last year has been phenomenal. So much has changed... I mean, what the fuck? A year... you have got to be kidding me.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 23:56:02 GMT

I am torn. I want summer to last forever/be over right now.

+ sun
- being inside working while it's sunny
+ money
- having to get up at 6:30 for that money (and above sum-missing minus)
+ pool
- having all life items in one room (as in dorm)
+ spending time with the fam
- missing friends at school
+ getting sleep
- going to bed early due to boredom/early work hours
+ seeing highschool friends
- old highschool drama
+ showering without flipflops
- no convenience store in my basement
+ familiar T-town
- missing Seattle

So, working 40+ hours per week is having a good impact on my credit card bill. However, it is also having a bad impact on my social life... though, I havn't been good about calling people back (Anthony, tonight, I promise!!!) My next three weekends are jam packed. I'm excited. Though... uh... two are jam packed with work (well, one is a garage sale so it's kind of work, kind of fun with Po). The third weekend is schoolie rendez-vous. Uh... apparently we're leaving work 5 minutes early on account of my father being gone for the day.

Yay!!

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 23:57:18 GMT

This day has been thirty million hours... at least. I want to be outside!!!!! Work is torture... sitting inside looking out at the beautiful weather.

I've apparently cured myself. Cleansed my spirit or conscious or some shit. I feel refreshed and ready to deal with life.

Melissa starts chemo today. I might be working at the toy store too now in addition to a 40 hour week at the law office. Just depends on how things go. I can't complain. It's the least I can do and I would be getting more money. I'm worried about my mom. I have't had much time to spend with her recently. And she's tierd. You can tell. She's the strongest, most amazing person I know. I love her with all my heart and soul. I just wish there was a way that I could take some of her burden. But she's also very brilliant. She knows what a short line I'm walking on. She knows how little it would take. It's nice seeing her. Even for little moments. We both have figured out that we need to rely on eachother right now. It's kind of a mutual support deal. I would crash and burn without my mother.

Four more minutes. I might cry with happiness when the clock strikes 5.

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 23:24:52 GMT

I've had a very interesting day. Work has been slow today. So, I've had a couple extra hours to mess around on the internet. I've also been organizing my room. Going through old papers, thowing out things I don't want anymore and filling blue plastic tubs with little bits of sentimental papers. Anyway, I found some notes/cards etc last night that made me rather sentimental. I can't seem to shake the feeling either. During my down time today I took a couple different trips down memory lane, reading old emails and my old lj entries. I'm having trouble distinguishing between emotions I'm re-living and emotions I actually feel now. This is hard.

You know those old "write 5 anonymous statements" excersises that went around lj a while ago? I found one of those. I wrote one to Caty... as strange as that is... back in 2003 or something like that. It's funny. The way things change. I also wrote one to myself, which is kind of amusing. Some things never change. I could have written those statements today. They still would have been just as true. You know, I've changed a lot but, I guess not fundamentally... then again, people don't ever change fundamentally, do they? :)

I've spent a lot of months alone now, single. Which I definitly needed to balance out the three some odd years of dysfunctional coupledom. Anthony and I talked about this at dinner the other night. Though I've been thinking much more about it the past couple days. Do I want a relationship? In some ways the idea seems disgusting. Being tied down, having to answer to someone, gut wrenching fighting, jealousy. But there were some good points, too. The thing is, every type or relationship I've had has been so dependent on the person I've been with (which seems kind of "duh," I guess). But maybe this relationship sentimentality I'm feeling will never be quenched because I will never find someone like Alan again, nor will I date someone like Timmons again (gasp! use of those names in the same sentance, my world is ending). I don't think I want a relationship right now. I think I just want to remember what it was like. I want that little bit of a dream that I can experiance to the fullest, store away in my mind and then move on from when the real world comes calling again next fall.

I think I really need that weekend with Amber, Jess and the boys. Just to remind me that things are different now. Get that real world knocking a little early. Maybe then I'll snap out of it. Maybe Michael Dang will just kick me in the face. Tacoma fucks me up.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 15:51:39 GMT

Arg!! Where the *hell* did my weekend go? I am not prepared for it to be monday... and I can't find my mascara. Boo.

Hmmm... snyopsis?
Friday: Indian Food, Timmons, no actual pirates movie.. maybe tonight
Saturday: Anthony, Lots of Shopping, Cheescake Factory, A little Sex (hahaha), Madagascar, Irish car bombs, wine etc...
Sunday: Home, sweeping, mopping, making diner, migraine, asleep by 7pm, maybe 6:30...

I had a dream last night that I had a baby. A little baby. Only I didn't want him. So I was going to take him to the adoption place but I didn't have time so I just carried him around in the back of my car under a blanket, trying to hide him from my dad. It was really really weird.

I had some other fucked up dreams last night too. Strange. I think I'm sick. I did not want to get out of bed this morning... even after so many hours of sleep.

For Tyrney... Laugh your ass off, dear.

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 04:58:58 GMT

Fourth of July was great. There was a lot of good non-diet food, a few fabulous people and some fantastic fireworks with soundtrack and nice conversation. It seems Stewart and I are destined to spend major holiday's single together with fireworks. Which we found quite entertaining.

So, everything was good... even though I ended up topless on tyrney's bed covered in baby oil and stradled by a large black man watched by very incestuous voyeurs.... Oh I know you're jealous.

umm... yeah.

Work's going well. I got a large paycheck this week which took a bite out of my credit card debt. I actually got to shop yesterday. Ahhh new clothes.

Phia and I did pilates tonight at the Y. I don't think I will be able to walk tomorrow. Too bad, so sad.

Oh. And Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow. Psyched as all hell.... yes, all of it. All hell. Every. Little. Piece.

Peace!!

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 22:59:22 GMT

I am so excited!!!

I might pee my pants, which would be too bad as I won't be returning home before leaving work for CANADA IN ONE HOUR!!!

Yeeaahh Buddy!

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 06:30:33 GMT

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

Hmmm.... that should suffice. I'm incredibly tierd. I'm off to fall asleep now.

Or maybe I'd be better off waking up.

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 21:30:38 GMT

So, I'm working for my dad again this summer, as some of you know.
Some of you also know that I have an extremely awesome and sentimental cabin on Whidbey Island. When my grandma died, she ofcourse left it to my dad, aunt and uncle. As of late, my aunt has pretty much seperated herself from our entire family, finding her birth family (she was adopted as a baby) and claiming them as her "real family". Needless to say, we're all pretty hurt/upset. Part of her seperation included wanting to sell her section of the cabin which given the location and view would be quite a hefty sum of money in her bank account. We, of course, didn't want this to happen as it has been a refuge for our family for decades and my granmother's and grandfather's (and grandmothers' dog's) ashes were on the property. However, she insisted on being a bitch and we were scared for a while that we were going to lose the property.

For the last 6 months my father has been trying to scrounge the money to buy her share of the cabin. About an hour ago he transfered the money into my aunt's bank account. I couldn't be more relieved. I would have hated to lose that place. I'm so mad at my aunt but so thankful that my dad managed to save it.

*Dad comes back from lunch*
"I've been drinking," says he.
"Oh?"
"We got the cabin and I had 3 Coronas to celebrate."

I think I might be spending some quality time with whidbey island this weekend, guys.